Neurologist Raymond Gentzer has spent a lifetime recording and analysing other people’s dreams. We spoke to him about his latest book revealing his findings.
RG: It’s a tough job. After all, nobody likes to listen to other people yapping away about their dreams. They always go on forever.
Q: Then why write a book about it?
RG: Why else? People are suckers for the whole dream symbolism malarkey.
Q: You sound a little jaded.
RG: Do I?
(Gives bitter laugh)
Q: What about your own dreams?
RG: I don’t dream. In fact, I pay copious amounts of money to my therapist so that there are no unresolved issues troubling my subconscious.
Q: Not even that one where…
Q: You know where…
(He sneezes and a cascade of bubbles fly from his lips, floating away)
Q: Tell us about the book.
RG: Well, over the years there have been a small percentage of dreams which were interesting.
(Twirls long pink moustache whilst juggling a diamond corn-on-the-cob) I’ve collected them here.
Q: Can you read us one?
RG: Very well. It might sound familiar.
‘I dreamt I was in Gerard Depardieu’s house. I was there to collect some candles for another part of the dream. His bum was younger than his face. I followed Gerard up the stairs thinking it was quite strange that he lived on my street – I’d never noticed him round the local caf getting milk or anything. He had a nice house – lots of oak panelling. I felt under-dressed for the occasion. I was nude.’
This dream clearly indicates deep-set sociopathic tendencies…
Q: Wait a minute! You put that in the book? That’s my dream!
Raymond has begun to hover a foot in the air whilst tiny rabbits gnaw his body, looking for earwigs made of hard rock candy. Suddenly, he, and the rabbits, are attacked by a hungry pack of Himalayan Griffin Vultures.
“It’s only a bloody dream isn’t it?” says Raymond resignedly, as the vultures peck at his bones.