Critic finally bucks trend and directs film

20 Feb
Tar Babies from galazkapan

Movie poster for Tar Babies from Galazkapan

Esteemed critic Brent Durwood jeopardised his career by writing, starring in and directing a feature film, Tar Babies from Galazkapan.

“I was tired of writing reviews and having the directors, actors or writers tell me I didn’t know what I was talking about…the old adage, ‘those who can’t do, critique’ was constantly being thrown in my face. So I decided to put my money where my mouth was and produce an ‘outstanding work of staggering genius’ as my friend and fellow critic Zac Hooverball from the Daily Bleat put it.”

At once surreal and futuristic, the review boards and critics seem to be (apart from several known friends of Durwood) at a loss for words.

An insider at the Telegum whispered, “Of course no journalist wants to touch it. He’s done what most of us only dream of doing. To quantify how good or bad the film is would be to admit that there is a reason why some people are artists and some people say mean things about artists. The whole system would be thrown into disarray. Chaos would ensue.”

We caught up with Durwood at the launch party for the film, at which very few journalists were present.

Q: Why do you think most journalists have been so reluctant to comment on your new film?

BD: First things first. What did you think of Tar Babies?

Q: ……I thought the use of real babies covered in tar was a controversial choice.

BD: Yes, well one has to make those sorts of choices when creating a film that aspires to be more than your run of the mill Hollywood pleasing schlockbuster.

Q: The film appeared to straddle a number of genres…

BD: (Nods head vigorously) I used my encyclopaedic knowledge of cinema. I think you’ll find that Tar Babies is the only film which embodies every genre in the history of movies.

For instance: babies covered in tar – they do that in some parts of the world to albino children – documentary. It’s set in another galaxy…

Q: Galazkapan?

BD: No. That’s the planet. (Awkward pause) Science fiction.

Lead character Blane Jawbone has to shoot his way out of the Eliptikon stronghold – Action/adventure. The female lead, Jane Bustworthy, is a feisty non-conformist from a military background – Feminist/war movie. I could go on…

Q: An ambitious project. Would you say that it has left critics somewhat at a loss?

BD: I can only imagine that the piece has proved too challenging for them to grasp. Although I think they’ll find my next film Cat Burglars from the Eternal Beyond easier to swallow. I let myself have a little more fun with it. Once Tar Babies breaks all box office records as an outsider-crossover success, the pressure to prove myself as an actor/writer/director/auteur will be over.

Finally, I’ll be able to make the films I always longed to see.

Q: Will you be using real cats?

BD: Oh, yeah.

Tar Babies from Galazkapan will be playing at the Rickety Theatre in North London for a limited time only. 


2 Responses to “Critic finally bucks trend and directs film”

  1. JB February 23, 2012 at 12:23 pm #

    “Q: will you be using real cats?… A: Oh yeah.” <—– This made me laugh 'til my sides were splitting! Poor little pussies! Love the blog – every entry gets a hearty chuckle out of me. 🙂

    • zeitgeistschadenfreude February 23, 2012 at 8:30 pm #

      Thanks. We’ll be keeping tabs on Durwood. We’ve been hearing exciting rumours of PETA picketing outside the film studio…

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