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Playwright slams own work as ‘derivative drivel’

26 Jun

Artie Gimlet prepares for a night of light entertainment

Playwright Artie Gimlet’s new play, ‘Pretension’ has had fans flocking to the theatres.

“Everyone is hungry for irony these days. They’ll do anything to get a fix. Pretension is the perfect high for our generation of sneery scenesters who speak in dead sentences.”

Gimlet’s over-elaborate dialogue is delivered in a purposefully deadpan and uninterested tone, as the actors try on an endless series of Urban Outfitters clothing. Gimlet himself heckles them relentlessly from the orchestra pit, screaming, “Where is the music?!”

Actor Todd Winklebun spoke to us about developing the play.

TW:     At first it was pretty disconcerting. Especially when my mom joined Artie in ‘the pit of shame.’ Artie was pleased that she so deeply understood the concept but there’s a part of me that thinks she was still pissed about that time I trashed her car.

Q:        Do you think our generation has, and will, spawn a society of heartless automatons who are only as real as their latest Twizler update?

TW:    Um, I’m not sure how to respond to that. There are light hearted moments in the play. When my character tries on his seventh pair of low crotch skinny jeans he says, “I’ve seen things.” I like to think that whatever they were they were, they were nice things.


Critic finally bucks trend and directs film

20 Feb
Tar Babies from galazkapan

Movie poster for Tar Babies from Galazkapan

Esteemed critic Brent Durwood jeopardised his career by writing, starring in and directing a feature film, Tar Babies from Galazkapan.

“I was tired of writing reviews and having the directors, actors or writers tell me I didn’t know what I was talking about…the old adage, ‘those who can’t do, critique’ was constantly being thrown in my face. So I decided to put my money where my mouth was and produce an ‘outstanding work of staggering genius’ as my friend and fellow critic Zac Hooverball from the Daily Bleat put it.”

At once surreal and futuristic, the review boards and critics seem to be (apart from several known friends of Durwood) at a loss for words.

An insider at the Telegum whispered, “Of course no journalist wants to touch it. He’s done what most of us only dream of doing. To quantify how good or bad the film is would be to admit that there is a reason why some people are artists and some people say mean things about artists. The whole system would be thrown into disarray. Chaos would ensue.”

We caught up with Durwood at the launch party for the film, at which very few journalists were present.

Q: Why do you think most journalists have been so reluctant to comment on your new film?

BD: First things first. What did you think of Tar Babies?

Q: ……I thought the use of real babies covered in tar was a controversial choice.

BD: Yes, well one has to make those sorts of choices when creating a film that aspires to be more than your run of the mill Hollywood pleasing schlockbuster.

Q: The film appeared to straddle a number of genres…

BD: (Nods head vigorously) I used my encyclopaedic knowledge of cinema. I think you’ll find that Tar Babies is the only film which embodies every genre in the history of movies.

For instance: babies covered in tar – they do that in some parts of the world to albino children – documentary. It’s set in another galaxy…

Q: Galazkapan?

BD: No. That’s the planet. (Awkward pause) Science fiction.

Lead character Blane Jawbone has to shoot his way out of the Eliptikon stronghold – Action/adventure. The female lead, Jane Bustworthy, is a feisty non-conformist from a military background – Feminist/war movie. I could go on…

Q: An ambitious project. Would you say that it has left critics somewhat at a loss?

BD: I can only imagine that the piece has proved too challenging for them to grasp. Although I think they’ll find my next film Cat Burglars from the Eternal Beyond easier to swallow. I let myself have a little more fun with it. Once Tar Babies breaks all box office records as an outsider-crossover success, the pressure to prove myself as an actor/writer/director/auteur will be over.

Finally, I’ll be able to make the films I always longed to see.

Q: Will you be using real cats?

BD: Oh, yeah.

Tar Babies from Galazkapan will be playing at the Rickety Theatre in North London for a limited time only. 

Lovliballs Writers: Tell All? Are rumours of infidelity and deviance unfounded?

14 Feb
Book with It was shaped like a question mark title

Jennifer Keunt's It was shaped like a question mark - at all good bookshops


Writers Jennifer and Tristram Loveliballs’ acrimonious divorce has long had the press frothing at the mouth in response to wild rumours of key parties, dodgy salsa intrigues and cabana boy lovers.
Now both authors have reportedly written their version in thinly veiled fictional accounts. Far from clearing the air, the writer’s refusal to admit to any biographical content has only served to muddy the waters even more.
We spoke to the agent representing the two authors, Basil Baldworth.

Q: Isn’t your continuing to represent both parties a conflict of interests?

BB: Not at all. I’ve known Jen and Tris for years. I was at their son’s Barmitzvah. Besides, they both know my first loyalty is to the agency.

(Gives shark-like grin)

Q: How would you describe your client’s latest works?

BB: Both Lovliballs… (pauses while assistant whispers something to him) sorry, Ms. Keunt wishes to be known by her maiden name from now on. Both clients have written searing work(s) of emotional honesty.

Q: Emotional honesty? Is there any truth to the rumours that these accounts are stark representations of their marriage?

BB: I would be a terrible agent if I either confirmed or denied that. I will say that, like all writers, they drew inspiration from their own lives…

Q: Like the part where ‘Blistram’ is caught by ‘Juniper’ in a three-way with two doctoral students and their son’s Norwegian au pair?

BB: (Spreads hands eloquently)

Q: Or when ‘Blistram’ reads ‘Juniper’s’ emails and discovers that he is not the father of their son, and that, in fact, ‘Juniper’s’ agent ‘Harry Hairworthy’ is the boy’s true father?

BB: What? Where did you…?!

Q: Advance copies of Tristram’s book were sent out to the press by his new agent Jerry Mills of Mills, Boone and Crumble.

Unfortunately, Mr Baldworth was unavailable for further comment.


Oh The Lies by Tristram Lovliballs and It was Shaped like a Question Mark by Jennifer Keunt are out in bookshops and online from Monday.